Every “yes” costs something. Is yours too expensive? When every yes is a coin, the danger is not realizing you’re going broke.
Imagine your “yes” as a coin. At first, it feels like your wallet is endless. You hand out coins to colleagues, friends, family, and neighbors. Yes, I can cover that shift.Yes, I’ll help you move.Yes, I’ll join even though I’m tired.
But here’s the truth no one tells you: every yes is a withdrawal from your nervous system. And the wallet isn’t bottomless.
You know this mind loop if you’ve ever:
Said “yes” to extra projects at work, then stayed up late catching up on your own.
Agreed to host or help when your body was already aching, because saying no felt selfish.
I volunteered again, not out of joy but guilt, and went home exhausted.
Said yes to dinner, parties, and favors, while quietly mourning the evening of rest you actually needed.
Smiled and agreed to “just one more thing” while your chest tightened and your mind whispered: I can’t.
Each “yes” looks minor, even noble. But together they add up to a quiet debt paid with your time, energy, and well-being.
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The Hidden Cost of an Expensive Yes
People-pleasing often disguises itself as generosity. But underneath, it’s survival math: If I say yes, maybe I’ll be loved. If I agree, perhaps I’ll be safe.
The cost? You end up useful but not free. Needed but not rested and praised but depleted.
And the body remembers. The nervous system registers every expensive yes as tension, shallow breaths, tight shoulders, restless nights. It knows the truth: you can’t keep buying love with exhaustion.
The Way Out: The 3R Principle
Release — stop treating your “yes” as free. Name its value. Loosen the belief that every request is your responsibility.
Return — come back to your body before answering. Notice if your chest tightens or your stomach knots. That’s your inner “no.”
Reside — stay rooted in the decision that honors your limits. A proper connection won’t vanish because you said no.
When you protect your yes, you discover that boundaries aren’t walls. They are doors that open only when you choose.
A Question for You
Pause and ask yourself: What’s one yes I gave this week that cost me too much?
Your answer is where the loop begins to loosen.
This reflection is part of my upcoming book, Release — Return — Reside (3R Principle), a self-help guide to breaking free from hidden survival loops like over-functioning, people-pleasing, and over-controlling…using the for nervous system healing, fix the mind traps and lasting happiness in complete freedom.
Doctor Stik
Every “yes” costs something. Is yours too expensive? When every yes is a coin, the danger is not realizing you’re going broke.
Imagine your “yes” as a coin. At first, it feels like your wallet is endless. You hand out coins to colleagues, friends, family, and neighbors. Yes, I can cover that shift. Yes, I’ll help you move. Yes, I’ll join even though I’m tired.
But here’s the truth no one tells you: every yes is a withdrawal from your nervous system. And the wallet isn’t bottomless.
You know this mind loop if you’ve ever:
Each “yes” looks minor, even noble. But together they add up to a quiet debt paid with your time, energy, and well-being.
Get Doctor Stik’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.Subscribe
The Hidden Cost of an Expensive Yes
People-pleasing often disguises itself as generosity. But underneath, it’s survival math: If I say yes, maybe I’ll be loved. If I agree, perhaps I’ll be safe.
The cost? You end up useful but not free. Needed but not rested and praised but depleted.
And the body remembers. The nervous system registers every expensive yes as tension, shallow breaths, tight shoulders, restless nights. It knows the truth: you can’t keep buying love with exhaustion.
The Way Out: The 3R Principle
When you protect your yes, you discover that boundaries aren’t walls. They are doors that open only when you choose.
A Question for You
Pause and ask yourself: What’s one yes I gave this week that cost me too much?
Your answer is where the loop begins to loosen.
This reflection is part of my upcoming book, Release — Return — Reside (3R Principle), a self-help guide to breaking free from hidden survival loops like over-functioning, people-pleasing, and over-controlling…using the for nervous system healing, fix the mind traps and lasting happiness in complete freedom.
www.doctorstik.com
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