Over-functioning looks like strength, but it quietly erases you. Imagine a giant stone pillar holding up the weight of a ceiling. It never moves, never rests, never breathes. Everyone else enjoys safety underneath, while the pillar strains silently. Over time, cracks spread, not because they were weak, but because they were never meant to hold the entire building forever.
That pillar is you when you over-function.
You become the shock absorber of every system, family, workplace, and friendship. You take on more than is yours, not because you want to, but because somewhere deep down you’ve learned: If I don’t carry it, everything will fall apart.
At first, it looks like love. But over time, it feels like a disappearance.
You know this loop if you’ve ever:
Solved other people’s problems before they even tried, and ended the day depleted.
I took on more work at the office so no one else would feel pressure, while your needs stayed invisible.
Smoothed over family conflicts at your own expense to keep the peace.
Replied instantly to “urgent” messages, even at midnight, because being available felt safer than resting.
You organized the birthday, the dinner, the group chat, and the office cleanup, not because you had the energy but because silence from others felt unbearable.
Anticipated someone’s disappointment before they even spoke, so you bent, adjusted, and erased your own preference.
Sent money you couldn’t spare, offered time you didn’t have, gave patience you weren’t feeling because you feared what would happen if you didn’t.
Each one looks noble on the surface. But together they tell a story: you’re holding up a ceiling that was never meant to rest entirely on your shoulders.
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The Hidden Cost
When you live in the loop of emotional over-functioning, your nervous system never rests. You become a caretaker, rescuer, fixer, yet your voice, rest, and needs vanish. The applause you may get (“You’re so reliable, so strong, so selfless”) can’t drown out the ache inside: Who’s holding me?
And here’s the paradox: stepping back doesn’t collapse the world. It often saves you and shows others you were more capable than you believed.
The Way Out: The 3R Principle I found.
Here’s how the loop begins to break:
Release — unclasp what was never yours to carry. Stop apologizing for not being the pillar.
Return — step back into your own breath, season, and body.
Reside — stay there. Not as a visitor in your own life, but as its rightful owner.
When you loosen your grip, the ceiling doesn’t fall. The world wobbles, then adjusts — for the first time, you’re not just the pillar, you’re a whole person again.
A Question for You
Pause momentarily and ask yourself: Where am I holding up ceilings no one ever asked me to carry?
Your answer might be the first crack in the loop, not a collapse, but an opening to breathe.
This reflection is part of my upcoming Release — Return — Reside — 3R book — a guide to breaking free from hidden survival loops like over-functioning, people-pleasing, over-controlling, and more…
Pre-orders open soon. Stay tuned for exclusive bonuses when you join early.
Are you the “pillar” holding up everyone else?
Over-functioning looks like strength, but it quietly erases you. Imagine a giant stone pillar holding up the weight of a ceiling. It never moves, never rests, never breathes. Everyone else enjoys safety underneath, while the pillar strains silently. Over time, cracks spread, not because they were weak, but because they were never meant to hold the entire building forever.
That pillar is you when you over-function.
You become the shock absorber of every system, family, workplace, and friendship. You take on more than is yours, not because you want to, but because somewhere deep down you’ve learned: If I don’t carry it, everything will fall apart.
At first, it looks like love. But over time, it feels like a disappearance.
You know this loop if you’ve ever:
Each one looks noble on the surface. But together they tell a story: you’re holding up a ceiling that was never meant to rest entirely on your shoulders.
Get Doctor Stik’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.Subscribe
The Hidden Cost
When you live in the loop of emotional over-functioning, your nervous system never rests. You become a caretaker, rescuer, fixer, yet your voice, rest, and needs vanish. The applause you may get (“You’re so reliable, so strong, so selfless”) can’t drown out the ache inside: Who’s holding me?
And here’s the paradox: stepping back doesn’t collapse the world. It often saves you and shows others you were more capable than you believed.
The Way Out: The 3R Principle I found.
Here’s how the loop begins to break:
When you loosen your grip, the ceiling doesn’t fall. The world wobbles, then adjusts — for the first time, you’re not just the pillar, you’re a whole person again.
A Question for You
Pause momentarily and ask yourself: Where am I holding up ceilings no one ever asked me to carry?
Your answer might be the first crack in the loop, not a collapse, but an opening to breathe.
This reflection is part of my upcoming Release — Return — Reside — 3R book — a guide to breaking free from hidden survival loops like over-functioning, people-pleasing, over-controlling, and more…
Pre-orders open soon. Stay tuned for exclusive bonuses when you join early.
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